Drug testing

Dating Advice: Should You Play With Madness?

I have a friend with a big problem, a guy who needs good dating advice badly. All the women he dates are dysfunctional, and he can't figure out why. Actually, most of the women he dates aren't merely dysfunctional, they're psychotic.

In fact, when came to me for some dating advice, he told a story about the last woman he dated, how she literally stalked him for three months after their relationship ended, one day calling him a "Nazi," the next calling him the sweetest guy on earth. It got so bad he decided to sell his house and move out of state. No joke, this is a true story.

However, this is NOT the first woman like this he's dated. In fact, most women he's dated are like this. Now, you might think this guy is bad looking and broke, a complete loser who just can't "do any better." The truth, though is this: the guy's 6'2", in good shape, could pose for GQ, and does very well financially. And, he can be a fun, witty guy to hang out with. Why then, did this guy come to me for dating advice?

There are actually several answers to this question (and we don't have time to cover all of them today), but many of them have to do with what's called "map/model of the world," both his and theirs. We'll talk about his in a later episode-for now, just realize your outer world is a reflection of your inner world. Obviously he's got some work to do on his inner world, and he is taking my dating advice seriously, but for now let's talk about map/model of the women he dates.

Just what is "map/model" of the world, and how will this help your dating? It's simply how each individual human being views the world-the sum total of our internal representations. Let me give you an example that will clarify this. Let's say you and I are listening to the radio and a particular song comes on. You hate it, but I like it. Why? Because we both have different maps/models of the world. Although the "input" (in this case the song) was exactly the same, the "output" (our reaction to the song) was different. Our "maps" create the differing output. How we view the world is different. How each man responds to my dating advice is different.

When you're screening women to see if they're worth spending time with, you want to uncover as much of their map/model of the world as possible. Why? Because how they've behaved in the past (based on their map/model of the world) is how they will behave in the future. And if the past behavior they've exhibited is bad, their future behavior will be worse. (Take my dating advice on this one!)

When my friend told me during this dating advice session about his experience with this "crazy woman" I asked how they met, what she said to him. It took me 15 minutes of listening to him for me to determine, simply based on what she said to him, that she was a "nonstarter", someone I would NEVER start a dating relationship with. Why? Because she'd described several instances of psychotic/stalking behavior in past relationships. But, since he wasn't actively uncovering her map/model of the world, and making decisions based on it, he got into a horrible relationship. I would have avoided dating her completely.

So just how do you uncover a woman's map? By asking, "elicitation questions" and actively listening. You want to look for common patterns of behavior that reoccur in her past relationships. Awhile back I met a woman online and we met at Town Lake here in Austin for a walk. As we walked, I simply asked her about her online dating experiences. Over and over she said, "oh he kept following me, but he was a loser." Then I asked her about her relationships, and she kept talking about how guys "cheated on her all the time." How did she know they were cheating, I asked? Well, she said, because I would drive by their houses, and strange cars would be in the driveway. My dating advice to anyone who exhibits this attitude is... don't walk, run!

Now, if I'd pursued ANY type of dating relationship with this woman, what do you think the outcome would have been? She would have driven by my house, looking for "strange cars" and then she would have accused me of "cheating." And then she would have come to my place of work at odd hours to "confront me." Why? Because that's what she did with all the guys who "cheated on her."

Obviously I never met with her again, even though she was cute. But many guys not heeding this very important nugget of dating advice would have, because they were paying attention to looks, not uncovering her map or model of the world. And the next six months of their lives would have been HELL.

Listening for map/model of the world is a valuable skill to develop, and some of the best dating advice I can give anyone. You will find that uncovering someone's map of the world will save you much frustration. So? I've got some homework for you guys. As you go throughout your day tomorrow, actively listen for

other people's maps. Get them to tell you stories, and listen for recurring patterns of behavior, both good and bad. Develop this skill, and utilize it, and you'll be able to avoid a lot of heartache, and enjoy a lot of pleasure.

About the Author: John Alanis, "The King of Let 'em Come to You", is author of the "Women Approach You" system at http://www.womenapproachyou.com. His blog is at http://www.johnalanis.com

limousine chicago service
In The News:

Inexpensive Dating Ideas

Dating and saving money. For many, the two concepts don't... Read More

How to Overcome The Fear of Rejection

Feeling uncomfortable in the stomach, cold sweaty palm, trembling of... Read More

Best Places to go on a Date

Does the waiter know how you like your steak, and... Read More

Building Self Confidence

The building of self-confidence is not difficult, but it requires... Read More

Dear Soulmate

Dear Soulmate,Where are you?? It seems as if I have... Read More

COMING SOON??Online Attractions

In my attempts to find the love of my life,... Read More

When it Comes to Multicultural Dating The Most Important Ingredient is Love

Have you been only dating people from your own ethnic... Read More

The Traditional Jewish Dating

In as much as they want to preserve the moral... Read More

The Right Dating Strategy

So, you have decided to do it. Get out there... Read More

How to Get a Girl to Like You

We've all had that special woman in our lives. You... Read More

Guys that Beautiful Girls Want: You Can Be One

"Our attitude toward life determines life's attitude towards us."- Earl... Read More

Fatal Flaws- How to Have a Happy Relationship and Keep Your Values Intact

If you are knee deep in trying to find a... Read More

Your Online Personal Ad- Write For Success!

Where are all the good men/women? You go to parties,... Read More

10 Keys to Getting Along With Single Women For Successful Dating, Seduction

1. When with a woman on a date, under no... Read More

Online Dating Tips for the Digital Age of Romance

We are romantic creatures. We are social creatures. With these... Read More

Dating After Divorce: Things To Think About Regarding Dating After Divorce

Dating after divorce is a much debated topic due to... Read More

Online Dating, Why Not?

So, you're looking to meet that "special someone". You have... Read More

How To Find A Dating Web Site That Is Right For You Today Starting From Scratch

So at last you're sick and tired of the bar... Read More

The Most Important Question to Ask on a First Date

First dates can be pretty daunting experiences, but they can... Read More

Youve Been Dumped! Heres How to Get Over It

We've all been there. We've fallen in love with somebody... Read More

Got Attitude?

Probably you do have attitude, but what is it? Jaded,... Read More

Filtering Values in the Dating Game

Ever noticed that when dating, no one really wants to... Read More

Does Online Dating Work?

Dating Online is currently the Internets biggest craze, and its... Read More

Good Places to Meet Excellent Men

So, you're convinced that you have zero opportunities to meet... Read More

What are Seduction Lairs?

Are you familiar with Seduction Lairs and how to use... Read More

roadway cobra head led flood light bulb Pete's produce ..