Drug testing

Hooking Up vs. Lasting Love: Its Your Choice

"hooking Up" - "friends with benefits" - "booty call"

These terms have become all too familiar in today's dating world. Are they words that you can relate to? Have you lived them in some way? If so, how have you felt about the experience(s) both during and after? Chances are that you have mixed feelings at best. Depending on your age and sex, you may give a somewhat different response to this question. Whatever your answer, a close look at this "dating experience" that impacts so many singles in so many ways may be useful to you as you think about what your long-term relationship goals are and what you REALLY want from a relationship.

So what exactly do these terms mean?

"Hooking up" is getting together for sex. There is generally no formal "date" involved.

"Friends with benefits" usually refers to two people who are "friends" who also have sex together. Again, there's a distinction between what they share and "dating".

"Booty call" usually describes the act of a man (woman) calling up another person to come over for sex. The sex doesn't follow dinner, a movie or other "quality" time together, getting to really know each other. It's physical.

Do you define this activity (even loosely) as dating? Has this become a new intimacy for some or many of you? If so, it's important to look at how/if it meets your needs and if it aligns with your basic values and relationship wants and goals.

Begin by asking yourself some core questions, such as:

Am I comfortable with intimacy?

Am I comfortable with a purely physical relationship?

Am I able to be physically involved with someone while remaining emotionally detached?

How do I feel about myself when I engage in this behavior?

Am I doing this to please someone or win his or her affection?

Is monogamy and marriage my goal?

If your answers reflect discordance between how you feel and what you do; it would be helpful to understand the reasons behind your behavior. Do any of these sound familiar?

"It's convenient"

"It's easy"

"It's safe"

"It requires no commitment on my part"

In addition to these explanations, some singles express a belief that "everyone does it" or "it's expected". Therefore, they often report engaging in it, but not feeling really ok or satisfied afterwards. Others use it as a substitute for real intimacy, referencing their difficulties in meeting and dating in general.

Then there are the people who have sex hoping it will lead to love. This too is a desire for intimacy that can lead to sadness and disappointment and the possibility of contacting a dangerous and life-altering infection. It reminds me of the line in a song, "if I can love you good enough on the outside to make you feel it on the inside, then maybe you will stay..."

If you recognize yourself in any of these statements and want to address your issue, begin with an inventory of your values and self-awareness. Read the articles: "Defining Intimacy", "Clarifying And Living Your Values", and "How's Your Self-Awareness".

You can find these on: http://www.consum-mate.com/articles.htm

If you would find feedback that deals specifically with these issues helpful, take the "What's Your Intimacy IQ" and "Are You Relationship Ready" quizzes. These can be found on: http://www.consum-mate.com/quiz.htm

Once you have determined what you really want from a relationship you can begin to make clear, thought out choices that will open the path that points in the direction you wish to go. Until you do so, you face the possibility of more disappointing and short-lived encounters that leave you feeling more alone and less hopeful about the possibility for lasting happy love.

Toni Coleman is a licensed therapist and relationship coach in private practice in McLean, Virginia. She specializes in working with singles who want to create lasting, intimate relationships. Toni has over 20 years of post-masters experience in relationship counseling and coaching with singles and couples. She is the founder and President of LifeChange Coaching and Consum-mate Relationship Coaching. She developed and teaches the Creating Lasting Relationships Training, a tele-workshop designed to help singles to define, implement and fulfill their life and relationship goals. She has also written numerous email classes for singles on all aspects of meeting, dating and relating. She is the author of the email newsletter, The Art of Intimacy, which goes out to thousands of subscribers monthly. http://www.consum-mate.com

limousine chicago service
In The News:

How To Have Sex On A First Date

Guys have all different motives for trying to be successful... Read More

Online Dating 101 - Online Dating Basics

Online Dating 101 by Kevin KogerFeeling like there's something that's... Read More

10 Tips for Succeding in Dating!

Generally the most important step when dating someone is the... Read More

Overcoming Your Nervousness About Talking to Women

Standing at the magazine rack thumbing through Cosmo, she has... Read More

Dating On The Internet Is Growing! See How Online Dating Can Help You Find Available Singles Today

Dating on the Internet is growing rapidly year after year,... Read More

Online Dating Safety Tips

Online dating is as safe, and in some ways safer... Read More

Online Dating Secret

There is a simple online dating secret that can save... Read More

Objections Are Signs Somebody Is Interested

The fact is, most people think they handle objections with... Read More

Life isnt Sex and the City

A couple of weeks ago, I watched a Sex and... Read More

Secret Dating Tips - Top Secrets of a Sex Magnet

In any group of girls, there's usually one who's getting... Read More

A Nice Guys Guide to Dating Success

Has it ever happened to you? Have you ever had... Read More

Dos and Donts for Men on Dating Sites

Men, learn how to behave on dating and personals sites.Being... Read More

Christian Singles and Meet Christian Singles

Christian singles are plentiful no matter what age you are... Read More

Love Discrimination

Why is it people, especially the media, thinks that looking... Read More

The Freedom to Exist

This article will seem like just good old plain common... Read More

Men: Never Compliment a Woman You Want to Date

Hello Lucia,I regularly compliment women and tell them that I... Read More

Online Dating Tips - Five Steps to Creating Your Profile

Creating your online dating profile is an aspect often commonly... Read More

Dating Sites for You and Me

Have you seen a dating site? Would you want to... Read More

Use The Power of Focus When You Want To Get A Date

The Importance of FocusPeople are always looking for ways to... Read More

Table For Two Please!

I recently heard a woman say that she would not... Read More

Christian Singles: Questions To Keep Your Spirit Alive

With special events like Valentine's Day coming and going each... Read More

A guide for being single in Mimasaka, Okayama Prefecture

"A Tsuyama singles scene?" scoffs single Mimasaka resident Hiroyiki Matsuda.... Read More

Tips for Creating a Successful Personal Online Dating Profile

Your profile is the key to meeting your perfect match... Read More

Internet Dating ? It?s Not For Geeks

Six months ago an old school friend and I were... Read More

How To Have A Successful Conversation With Any Woman!

To have a successful conversation with any woman you must... Read More

led flood light fixtures led bulbs sale Pete's produce ..