Drug testing

Should You Go on a Dating Hiatus?

Sometimes we need a hiatus from dating. A "hiatus" is a break in something that normally has continuity. You may have heard this term used in conjunction with television shows: "The show is going on hiatus until shooting starts for next season." That means the actors and crew are taking a break until work starts again.

The Brick Wall
So how do you know it's time to consider a dating hiatus? It's when you've been dating for many months or years and still seem no closer to meeting the right person than when you started. It's when you've been dating a succession of people but nothing of substance develops with any of them. Are you beginning to feel like you're just beating your head against a brick wall? It will feel better if you simply decide to STOP.

You've gotten yourself in a rut. You keep doing the same things to meet new people but every relationship just peters out and goes nowhere. You're starting to feel so frustrated that's it's affecting your relationships with family and friends. You're just grumpy and negative much of the time. You're losing hope of ever finding someone to love and becoming cynical and sarcastic about your future. Instead of moving forward you're going into a tailspin.

Before you let this state of mind deteriorate into a full-blown depression, there is something you can do to change it: go on hiatus! If you're on a losing streak and it keeps getting worse instead of better, then do what any smart coach does for a player in that situation. Take yourself out of the game for a while.

Break the Pattern
When what you have been doing just isn't working, it's time to stop, break the pattern and do something different. If you are sliding into a state of misery and frustration, this may be the time when you are unhappy enough to consider doing some personal growth and spiritual work. Sad but true, most of us do not take steps to change until the pain of changing is less than the pain of staying the same.

This is the time when you are most motivated to find a connection to God or Spirit or Higher Power or whatever you call the unseen force that created our world. This is the time when you are most open to learning a new way to think and a new set of principles to believe in and live by that will take you out of your misery and put you back in charge of your life.

If this is where you are today, don't beat yourself up because you haven't found the love relationship you so ardently desire. Even the best boxer in the world sometimes has to go down for the count before he can get back up and start fighting again. Give yourself a break and take a break from the dating scene.

Going On Hiatus
Once you make up your mind firmly and decide you are going on a dating hiatus, you will immediately start to feel a little better. That's because you have taken control of your life again and have stopped looking for someone else to make you feel okay. Next time some well- meaning friend asks you who you're dating you don't have to feel like a loser or a second-class citizen because you're alone. You can just say, "Oh, I'm on hiatus right now. I've decided not to date for a while." It's a choice you have made, not an unwanted situation you found yourself in. You are in control and you're feeling better!

Now's the time to take that class you've been meaning to take, start going to church, find a therapist or counselor or support group. Read a book or two about spiritual principles, study the bible or other scriptures that interest you. Go back to your religious roots or explore some different philosophy that intrigues you. Try a yoga or meditation or dance class. Take the hours and hours you used to spend online at the dating sites and invest them into yourself instead.

Before I met my husband I took a two year dating hiatus and did just what I'm suggesting you do. That's why I know it works. What a relief it was to get myself out of the mindset of most singles: "looking, looking, always looking." I pulled in my "singles antenna" that was always on the lookout for any man that might be a possibility. I stopped making decisions about whether to go to any event based on how many single men might be there. I accepted my state of singleness and enjoyed all the good things about it.

Making Changes
I delved into the universal spiritual principles taught in Religious Science and Unity churches and discovered that I actually had the power to change how I think and what I believe. I created a whole new life for myself and learned how to be happy and whole as a single person. I let the old feelings of "not good enough" drop away and replaced them with believing and knowing that my happiness did not depend on having a partner.

Also, I came to realize that holding on to resentments from the past can block you from attracting good things into your life today. Learning to release bitterness and resentment is a necessary step, but one that many people are unwilling to take. If you are having difficulty finding and keeping a good partner today, chances are there's some anger over a past hurt buried in you that's part of the cause.

You don't have to "forgive" and pretend that whatever they did wasn't wrong, but unless you release those angry feelings, and stop giving them your attention, you'll never be free of their influence. Doing this emotional work may not be much fun and you may resent the fact that you even have to do it! But if you have the courage you can find a way and it will make a tremendous difference in your next relationship. I can vouch for that.

When I was secure in the knowledge that I am enough and don't need anyone else to be happy then I was able to go back into dating and attract a great mate in less than a year. Turns out that the solution to the problem was within myself. Once I released my old resentments and learned to appreciate all the good things about my life, I attracted some really good men into my life. Now I'm happily married a man who is a perfect partner for me.

This dating hiatus idea may seem too radical and extreme to you right now. However, the more people you date and the more unhappy you get, the more it will start to make sense to you. If all you do is take a break for a while, but don't do anything to make needed changes within yourself during that time, then you can't expect to get better results when you start dating again. A dating hiatus works only if you work it!

How Long?
How long should it take? There are no hard and fast rules about this. It all depends on how much change and growth you need before you are able to produce a different outcome for yourself. My guess would be a minimum of six months to an average of several years.

Does this sound impossible for you right now? If you can't stand the thought of not having a date for six months, then you are in a precarious state of mind, depending way too much on being in a relationship to make you feel okay. A dating hiatus could be just what you need, but you may not be ready to accept that yet. It requires patience and the determination to stick with it for however long it takes. In our culture of instant gratification and the quick-fix, people don't like hearing this, but it is the truth.

Let these ideas sink in and roll around in your subconscious for a while. Few people will joyfully jump up after reading this and shout, "Yes, I'm going on a dating hiatus tomorrow!" Give it some time and when the time is right for you (or when you are sufficiently miserable and frustrated), you will know. When it's done with the right motivation, a dating hiatus along with some personal growth work can be your ticket to a better future. You'll go back into the dating game with a real possibility of winning next time.

Barbara Wright Abernathy, Modern Goddess, speaker and workshop leader is the author of Venus On Top: Women Who Are Born To Lead And The Men Who Love Them. Get a free report from Barbara, "3 Biggest Mistakes People Make While Dating" at http://www.venusontop.com

limousine chicago service
In The News:

Dating Tips: Work on The Similarities

What is it that makes you attracted to someone? The... Read More

Your Online Personal Ad- Write For Success!

Where are all the good men/women? You go to parties,... Read More

How To Make Date Conversation

What do you talk about on a date? Is it... Read More

Online Dating Service! Is Matchmaking On The Internet Right For You?

Online dating service! Is it right for you? That would... Read More

Christian Singles and Meet Christian Singles

Christian singles are plentiful no matter what age you are... Read More

Instant Dating Strategies Anyone Can Use

Most of us walk around caught up in our own... Read More

8 Minute Dating - For Singles with No Time for Small Talk

You will get to a certain age where, no matter... Read More

Have You Tried Online Dating, Only to be Disappointed?

Millions of people subscribe to Online dating services, but very... Read More

Online Dating 101 - Online Dating Basics

Online Dating 101 by Kevin KogerFeeling like there's something that's... Read More

You Dont Have To Be A Genius To Write A Love Poem

Love poems are a wonderfully romantic gesture and can often... Read More

Im Looking for Mr. Right, Am I Too Picky?

Many of my clients that I coach are single and... Read More

Men On Dating- Timing, Turn-offs and Keepers

Dear Relationship Coach-"We met online and seemed to hit it... Read More

Dating Online ? Can Be Less Stressful

Dating is a challenge at any age and for both... Read More

Do It And They Will Come: Pursuing New Adventures To Find Mr / Ms Right

Are you tired of the whole dating scene? Have you... Read More

How to Get the Girl You Want: The Attraction Killer to Avoid and Some Strategies for Success

It's one of the supreme tragedies in life. When there's... Read More

Online Dating Safety - Tackling Internet Crime

Online dating is a great way to contact and meet... Read More

Looking for Love in All the Wrong Places?

You've hung out in bars, you've answered the personals, you've... Read More

Online Dating - Needle in a Haystack?

No doubt about it, Internet dating has become a unique... Read More

I Found Love On a Online Dating Site

Over the past few years, I discovered a few personality... Read More

Online Dating Tips ? Creating Personal Ads

Creating a personal ad for online dating services is not... Read More

90% of Your Dating Issues Solved!

A friend of mine recently exclaimed, "Dating is so complicated!"... Read More

Adult Dating: Friend or Foe - Your Sex Life and the Internet!

There was a time when finding a date, partner, lover... Read More

Got Attitude?

Probably you do have attitude, but what is it? Jaded,... Read More

Blind Date

Very few singles have ever gone through life without having... Read More

Co-Dependency

Co-Dependency is an unhealthy reliance on another person for every... Read More

street lighting suppliers high bay lights Pete's produce ..