Drug testing

Are We All Losers? Understanding Grief

The well-known pioneer researcher Dr. Elisabeth Kubler-Ross identified five states through which the dying patient goes. It is also true that the recently bereaved and the about to be bereaved evidence the same stages. Kubler Ross has labeled the 5 stages denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. People do not necessarily go through these stages in any set order or over a set length of time, nor does the individual necessarily pass through each of the stages. Most controversial is the final stage of acceptance. Kubler-Ross believes that all of us come to accept death as it approached, but other researchers do not agree. Westberg, for example believe, as do the writer, that we come to a point of living with the loss. Let's now review the 10 stages of grief as defined by Westberg. If you have or can access his tiny book entitled, Good Grief, it would help you to understand each stage in more depth than the writer will go.

10 Stages of Grief According to Granger Westberg (Good Grief):

1) shock ? numbness, denial, disbelief
2) emotional releases ? tears, cursing
3) physical manifestations ? loss of sleep, eating
4) depression, panic ?how do I go on, detachment
5) guilt ? if only
6) anger ? god, self, deceased, blame
7) idealism ? halo effect, past was perfect
8) realization ? past not perfect, maybe a future
9) new patterns ? begin again, let go of past images
10) living with the loss ? live, love. Laugh again, adjusting

Another valuable resource is Catherine Sanders book, The Mourning After. Taking an integrative approach, she identifies 5 primary phases of the grief process:

5 Phases of the Grief Process According to Catherine Sanders (The Mourning After)

1) shock ? disbelief and denial, confusion, restlessness, state of alarm

2) awareness of loss ? separation anxiety, conflicts, prolonged stress, acting out emotional expectations

3) conservation/withdrawal ? despair, withdrawal, diminished social support, helplessness

4) healing ? turning point, assuming control, identity restructuring, relinquishing roles

5) renewal ? new self-awareness, new sense of freedom, accepting responsibility, learning to live without

In summary, it should be understood that the numbness and sense of unreality when first hearing about the death of a loved one is both a gift and an adaptive response which prepares one to deal with the loss. Statements expressing this surreal phase includes: "I don't believe it," or "It can't be."

It is common to lose a loved one and feel angry about the death and consequences. Since anger needs a target, it is frequently directed at the self, doctor, nurse, funeral director, clergy person, family member, friend or God. Since anger is a choice, it is important for the bereaved to recognize and acknowledge the fact that they are angry.

It is said that actress Elizabeth Taylor, speaking about the death of her husband, Michael Todd, and her subsequent depression, stated: "I didn't think I would survive and I didn't much care. To this day my feelings about him are so strong that I cannot speak about him without being overcome with emotion." For the majority of people in grief, feelings of emptiness and sadness generate feelings of depression.

"My husband died after a long illness. Several times I lost my temper and said some cruel things to him, but when I realized he couldn't get well, I took loving care of him until God called him home. Now I regret all the wrong things I did." Like many who have experienced a loss, this woman is tortured by regrets. While feelings of guilt are quite normal, they are usually not very realistic.

Sometimes anxiety and frustration are connected to the fear of being alone and without a loved one. There may be concern about the future and fear about losing someone else to death. There is no timetable for grief. No one need feel ashamed while getting over a traumatic loss. It is a long complex business. it is the process of grief.

The day will come when grief softens and even dissipates. Usually the recovery is so gradual that the bereaved is not even aware that healing is, in fact, taking place.

Rev. Saundra L. Washington, is an ordained clergywoman, social worker, and Founder of AMEN Ministries http://www.clergyservices4u.org. She is also the author of two coffee table books: Room Beneath the Snow: Poems that Preach and Negative Disturbances: Homilies that Teach. Her new book, Out of Deep Water: A Grief Healing Workbook, will be available soon.

limousine chicago service
In The News:

Why Dont We Talk About Anticipatory Grief?

I know anticipatory grief - a feeling of loss before... Read More

The Lesson of a Mothers Death

Dedicated to my mother, FlorenceNovember 11, 1920 ? May 25,... Read More

Grief & Loss - Healing Your Broken Heart

What is it about Grief & Loss that upsets us... Read More

Coping With A Funeral

When the death of a loved one occurs, regardless or... Read More

Am I a Mother - Tips for Handling Mother?s Day After Miscarriage

Are you spending this Mother's Day wondering if you are,... Read More

Anticipatory Grief and Ongoing Sadness for Caregivers

In 1969, Dr. Elizabeth Kubler-Ross published her famous book; On... Read More

Grief

If you have ever lost someone dear to you it... Read More

We are the Reflection of our Lives: How to Survive Loss & Humility

Everyday, I look in the mirror to see the face... Read More

Then and Now

Over one hundred years ago, during the Victorian era, death... Read More

Dying? Not Me! Why You Should Plan for Transition

Remember the Eulogy projects we had to write back in... Read More

Trial by Fire - 9 Tips for Grieving Couples

You will often hear that grief and loss bring couples... Read More

Suicide in the Church Part 2

In a town the size of mine - about 16,000... Read More

Online Monument ? An Ever-lasting Tribute to Your Departed Loved Ones

Memories are never to be buried along with the loss... Read More

Suicide Survivor

Suicide is a nightmare for survivors of loved ones. Death... Read More

The Grief And Belief Connection

"Grief is healing: To take away our grief is to... Read More

How To Write A Eulogy

Remembering someone special in a personal way can be healing... Read More

Grief Masks

October makes me think of Halloween, and Halloween makes me... Read More

Euthanasia: How Will I Know When its Time?

Pippin needed assistance from his owner to get to his... Read More

Are We All Losers? Understanding Grief

The well-known pioneer researcher Dr. Elisabeth Kubler-Ross identified five states... Read More

Guilty, Your Honor: The Burden of Guilt After a Suicide

Guilty, Your Honor, I whisper.Have you ever done anything so... Read More

Present Moment Awareness: Lessons From My Dog

I've always waited for the perfect moment to be happy:... Read More

Death of a Parent: Saying Good-Bye to Mommy or Daddy

Coping with the death of a loved one is never... Read More

Men and Grief

Men grieve differently from women. Our cultural roles make it... Read More

Grief Support: The Dos

Helpers often ask questions such as: "What should I do?... Read More

The Look of Grief

Never, since man has walked upright, have people all over... Read More

street light materials white led light Pete's produce ..