Drug testing

Grief Support: The Don?ts

1) Don't try to make the grieving person feel better. YOU CANNOT. For many grievers it only serves to make them feel guilty or worse. Grievers MUST experience the pain of grief for healing to ultimately occur.

2) Don't tell the griever to give it time. Time has stopped for the griever. Life proceeds in slow motion. Life is too surreal to be identified with time.

3) Don't try to divert the griever's attention away from their pain by talking about something else. If you do, when you exit their presence, the reality will generally hit all the harder. Also, it may seem to the grieving that you are uncomfortable with them talking to you about their grief. If they sense this, they will alienate themselves from you.

4) Don't be afraid to talk about the person who has died by name. If it makes you uncomfortable, it may want to assess your preparedness for helping. To recover from grief, the griever must have a realistic picture of the dead.

5) Don't be frightened by tears?the griever's or your own. Tears are apertures of release and help the griever express their sorrow in healthy ways with your presence as a cushion of warmth and empathy.

6) Don't be concerned about saying the right things. Let the grieving person talk. Just listen and encourage their talking. Your presence is more meaningful than anything you can say.

7) Don't argue with grieving individuals. Instead, reassure. You may hear statements such as, "I wish I had done this or had been more considerate" and so forth. Reassure them that they did what they could have done at the time not knowing _______ (name of deceased) would die when he/she did.

8) Don't use euphemisms and flowery language. Generally, it only makes the situation seem more artificial and unreal. For example, don't say "passed away" or "expired" when you mean "died." The griever need to hear "dead."

9) Don't be afraid of silence. Silence on the helpers part show that you do not have all the answers and do not feel the need to pretend that you do. Furthermore, it gives grievers time to process thought and express feelings.

10) Don't make general statements of help such as "If you need me, give me a call." Chances that they will call are almost nil. Instead, be specific. For example, tell them about a group support group being conducted in their area; or tell them you will stop by next week to see if there is some housework you can help them with; or ask if you can bring dinner by tomorrow.

11) Don't isolate grievers. Don't cut your conversation or visit short because you are uncomfortable or because you are too busy. (Never look at your watch or the clock in their presence). Be ready with gentle words and a listening ear. Your sincerity and concern is the best proof to the griever that he/she still has resources to draw from.

12) Don't become impatient. Many grievers ramble on and on and repeat themselves in their shock and confusion. Supporting with patience, empathy and compassion reveals your care.

13) Don't be judgmental or rejecting. Grievers are hurting badly. They do not need your judgments and abandonment at this difficult time in their lives.

14) Don't tell grieving people you know how they feel. YOU DON'T. Even though many helpers have also experienced loss due to death, each experience is different and felt differently. Your pain is never someone else's pain.

15) Don't let your own needs determine the experience for the griever.

16) Don't push the bereaved into new relationships before they are ready. They will let you know when they are open to new experiences.

17) Don't impose your value system on the bereaved. Your beliefs or ways of doing things may not be theirs.

18) Don't elaborate on your personal experiences of loss to the bereaved.

19) Don't let the griever forget their children's grief and special needs during this time.

20) Don't be afraid to touch, hold, hug (etc.) the griever. The feelings generated is worth more than a thousand words.

Rev. Saundra L. Washington, D.D., is an ordained clergywoman, social worker, and Founder of AMEN Ministries. http://www.clergyservices4u.org She is also the author of two coffee table books: Room Beneath the Snow: Poems that Preach and Negative Disturbances: Homilies that Teach. Her new book, Out of Deep Waters: A Grief Healing Workbook, will be available soon.

limousine chicago service
In The News:

Traumas as Social Interactions

("He" in this text - to mean "He" or "She").We... Read More

Death, Close and Personal

I got an email recently from someone whose mother died.... Read More

Handicapped From Suicide

I am 23 years old. I come from a large... Read More

On Empathy

The Encyclopaedia Britannica (1999 edition) defines empathy as:"The ability to... Read More

Present Moment Awareness: Lessons From My Dog

I've always waited for the perfect moment to be happy:... Read More

After Suicide: Returning to Life, Thanks to an Owl

Have you ever lost the ability to laugh? I did.When... Read More

Do You Know Someone Whos Dying?

Too many people are dying alone?The dying are one of... Read More

Pet Loss: Significant and Profound Loss or Much Ado about Nothing?

For those who have deeply loved and lost their animal... Read More

What is an Appropriate Sympathy Gift?

When a friend or loved one is grieving, it is... Read More

Silent Tears - from a Norwegian Hospital

Silent tears hit hospital-white sheets. The young Pakistani mother holds... Read More

Made in Heaven

Consumed by my loss, I didn't notice the hardness of... Read More

Terminal Illness- Death and Grief

No one likes to think about illness and death, when... Read More

Who has the Worst Pain

During the 28 years I have been interacting with bereaved... Read More

Suicide in the Church, Part 3

Suicide strikes...AGAIN!This may wind up being the most important article... Read More

The Valley of Sorrow or My Life as a Well Digger

It felt like I had been run over by a... Read More

Lessons We Learned From Terri Schiavo

Let's talk about Terry Schiavo, since her death illustrated for... Read More

New Tears [about Grievng--with commentary]

New Tears [about Grieving]If it rains or shinesLittle does it... Read More

Pope John Paul II

WHAT I LEARNED FROM POPE JOHN PAUL II ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~I am... Read More

The Twists and Turns of Life

When I was born in 1962 I thought life was... Read More

Grief

I didn't know a heart could die before it stopped... Read More

Why Does God Allow Suffering?

Justin was a typical ten year old boy. He liked... Read More

Then and Now

Over one hundred years ago, during the Victorian era, death... Read More

Angel of Comfort... The Story

I am an Angel artist and several weeks ago while... Read More

Death Poem

During the two years of my husband's terminal illness, death... Read More

Cultivate a Friendship with Death

Why We Fear Death"Men fear death as children fear to... Read More

high bay lights led light bulbs for sale Pete's produce ..